If one acquires things honestly, thru one's own effort, getting things can be a joy.

Of course, if one's primary motive is to have "things," one will eventually feel empty.

Getting & having "things," isn't the source of abiding happiness.

The source of abiding happiness & prosperity is continuous value production. Yet, getting what one wants, fulfilling one's desires, can offer intense feelings of joy.

Because continuous value production is hard work, people need pleasurable experiences in order to sustain value production. Romantic love & art certainly offer these pleasurable experiences.

Fulfilling one's desires, such as a fabulous vacation, car, or house, also offers these pleasurable experiences.

i.e., one might have been working very hard for several years. Everything has been going well & one decides to buy oneself a new boat. This is something that one has always wanted. And one chooses to purchase it now.

When one finally gets it, one probably will feel thrilled. Such short-term pleasures are valid & fully consistent with the nature of man. One feels initial excitement on first acquiring the "gift to oneself."

Then one enjoys the boat throughout the years. Such pleasure doesn't come from harming oneself or anyone else. This is a natural pleasure that can spur one on to produce evermore values for self, others & civilization.

The first step in changing our lives is changing our thinking.

2. Draining relationships: Are you happy? Are you loved for exactly who you are & do you love without condition? Everyone deserves emotional fulfillment. Developing balanced partnerships add quality to life.

3.Career dissatisfaction: You open your eyes on a new day…. Are you excited to meet your world & express yourself? We spend a significant part of our time at “work”. Finding your true-life purpose ends the feeling like you're dragging yourself thru your life.

4. Scarcity thinking: This is a big one. Do you feel like most of your energy goes into surviving & feeling like there’s never enough time, money, etc.?

The universe is abundant & provides for you. There's an unlimited supply! You can shift your perspective & attract what you want in your life.

This makes good sense. How can you really serve others if your own needs aren’t met? Deal w/your own unmet needs once & for all.

6. The things you’re putting up with: What are you tolerating that continues to drain your energy? Tolerating is different than being flexible. Take a good look at the areas in your life where you feel frustrated.

Consider the possibility that what you “put up with” maybe draining the energy that you could be using to live a happier life!

Start clearing the gunk from your drain & you'll experience more energy, more passion & a life that flows. You'll more easily be able to take action & create a satisfying & fulfilling life. If you need some help, consider a plumber (or maybe your own personal coach).

It’s your life…imagine the possibilities!

by Michael Mirdad

Despite the countless number of books, seminars & years of work towards finding a better way to experience relationships, the relationship struggle is still on everyone’s mind & in everyone’s heart.

Relationships are at the core of all that we experience in this world. Every thought, feeling, word & action is motivated by our relationship with God, ourselves, or someone else.

A fulfilling life comes from having fulfilling relationships in mind, body & spirit. The topic of relationships is a major key of A Course In Miracles. Why would a book on spiritual psychology & the attainment of inner peace focus on relationships?

Simply because our salvation, peace of mind & experience of unconditional love all depend on having healed, healthy, empowering relationships.

To achieve this you must first find at least a part of your True Self. Then, you must be willing to relate to people without attaching or projecting your past issues, experiences & perceptions onto them.

You can have joyful, passionate relationships. However, you'll only get back that which you put in. Further, you must have a goal in mind. If you're only putting in limiting goals such as physical comfort, having someone to make you feel better, someone to distract you from your own internal issues, etc. . . . then what you have is an unhealthy, codependent relationship.

How do you know if this includes you?

All relationships go thru 3 stages.

The 1st stage is typical, human love with everything looking & going well. You think about that person a great deal. They make you feel better inside & out. Most of your time is spent on positive, agreeable conversations; making love; nice dinners & so forth.

The 2nd stage is when "the honeymoon is over." Your ego now calls for retribution for the momentary bliss. It’s as though your ego was only renting you the seeming good time & now arrives for payment.

Of course, you have no idea what’s going on! You’re too busy gazing into each other’s eyes or perhaps you're too distracted by the sense of discomfort that's now starting to present itself.

Now the relationship will be tested & it'll take 1 of 2 directions. You will either move on, part ways & put blame on each other or you'll hang in there & commit to healing.

If you allow the issues that begin to arise between the two of you to take priority over your love, then you’ll know that you weren't really there with as much unconditional love as you thought.

Instead, you were either there to work on issues from your past relationships or to build a false hope of a future. Both of these motives keep you from trusting & expressing your True Self in the present.

If love is truly your goal, then you'll usually find the strength & clarity to push ahead & find the love you sought.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone puts themselves thru these stages & tests at some time or another. Rarely do we hear about someone who's experiencing a relationship that's not past-based or future-driven but instead resides in the present moment with love as the focus – without expectations of filling voids or playing out old patterns.

This is where the 3rd stage comes in. Here's where you've made it your priority to be a whole being.

Love Divine is your goal with patience & forgiveness as your guide. With such powerful allies, it’s nearly impossible to fail! That is, unless you allow the ego to side-track you – which it'll attempt to do every step along the way.

Fortunately, there are those who have partners who're willing to join them on this most difficult adventure. With two or more joined in one focus of love, you certainly increase the potential of a joyful outcome & decrease the amount of work involved.

However, this doesn't mean that you "need" the other person to agree with your chosen goal. This, of course, wouldn't be very unconditional.

If they refuse to walk the path of empowerment & forgiveness, let them be. They'll take their issues & lessons with them as will you if you refuse the path of healing.

So why do we have these dysfunctional, codependent relationships in the first place? It’s part of our history & patterning. We believe that we parted ways with God.

Then we lost our identity of our True Self – which became our Spiritual Inner Child, lost & afraid. We're then birthed into families whom we expect to fix our brokeness, only to find that they compound our issues.

Then we grow up & ask why our adult relationships seem so painful rather than serving as a remedy for life’s discomforts. The answer is that we were never given the chance to be anything other than the manifestation of the fears & brokeness that we've developed for so long.

These patterns will remain such until we've taken them along with us on the road to healing. The company that you choose on this road might be a therapist, healer, teacher, or intimate partner; but it must be made clear that you should definitely share the journey with someone.

Of course there's always some processing that you might choose to do alone.

When you commit to healing your life, you'll find that you must face the dark part (i.e., false beliefs) of yourself. You can learn to walk thru the darkness & into the light. The same goes for your relationships.

If you want your relationships to be fulfilling, then you must let them fulfill their 2 purposes. The first is to bring about whatever healing they're presenting.

The second is to let yourself reap the rewards of doing the work, allowing the healing & committing to experiencing love in your life. When you accomplish this, you'll feel whole & healed.

Your relationship is no longer based on fear & dysfunction, but instead on love & wholeness. Passion & joy are no longer temporary distractions that the ego can demand payment for. Your debt has now been paid.

The relationship is yours. You own it! Now you choose to share it with God, with all parts of yourself & yes, with others whom you feel will recognize & appreciate it.

Does this mean that everyone around you will be at exactly this level of relating?

Not necessarily! In fact, you can assume that the rest of the world is not yet comfortable with the concept of healthy, unconditional relationships.

Others (including family, friends & lovers) may still struggle to understand the difference of how you choose to relate in comparison to how the rest of the world relates.

They might often still want to tell you who to love & how to love. But in your new, healthy state of being, you're in a perpetual state of love. To have a partner or not have a partner is all the same & holds no desperate energy. You're no longer relating out of neediness. There is no longer codependence driven by dysfunction.

There's only a focus on sharing. Each person will eventually learn to share their True Self with whomever they feel will benefit from the experience & each will take responsibility for what they gain or what limits they impose.

This level of taking personal responsibility dissolves unhealthy codependence & provides each person with an opportunity to create a safe, fulfilling relationship.

B. Recognize Destructive Patterns Most relationships are better off than a couple expect & far more free from major destructive patterns then they realize.

Yet, it's the smaller issues that cause misunderstandings, create frustrations, spill over to other areas of a relationship & result in spiritually & emotionally destructive patterns. The root of these patterns must be recognized & dealt with, otherwise the pattern will prevail.

The eluding reality is that often the root causes for destructive patterns aren't in the couples’ relationship, but rather buried in the unconscious patterns that they've learned as children.

C. Stop Reinforcing Destructive Patterns The way to overcome destructive relational patterns is to concentrate on the present as opposed to projecting backward or forward. Projecting backward means eliminating thoughts & statements such as "You never listen to me!" or "You always spend all the money we have!"

By emphasizing the past destructive behavior, one generally reinforces it instead of stopping it. Projecting forward sets up a similar pattern: "You’ll never listen to me!" or "No matter how much money we have, you’ll always want more!"

It would seem that such statements should help the other person awaken to his or her inappropriate behavior. Instead, it actually reinforces the undesirable.

A couple needs to break such patterns.

D. Concentrate on the Current Situation Instead of dwelling on projecting backward or forward, eliminate the side comments & concentrate on the facts of the current situation. This helps put the situation in context & allows for discussing that which actually transpired.

Generally, the emotions one feels during a miscommunication over a minor issue are actually because of either projecting backward (such as frustration) or projecting forward (such as anxiety). Of course, no matter how small or large, issues will still have to be resolved & can't be ignored.

E. Seek to Understand the Other’s Intentions for this Situation Part of the frustration of such miscommunication patterns is that even when one intends to do something good for the other, it's misunderstood. Then it's like adding insult to injury: "Not only am I not appreciated, but on top of that I'm accused of being insensitive & undermining our relationship!"

The key is to listen to the other’s reasoning & understand why that step was taken. Only in doing so will the essence of that relationship & experience begin to emerge. Remember, if the couple comes together seeking God’s guidance, then He'll reveal the essence thru Christ. Every couple has this guarantee!

These steps are just part of the path necessary to build a spiritually strong, meaningful & fulfilling relationship. Further steps will be discussed in future issues.

Fulfilling the Goals of Leadership

By Rick Joyner

The outstanding leaders of history give witness to the fact that even the highest standards of understanding & discipline will still lead to ultimate failure if they're not built upon a strong character.

Effective leaders have accomplished their own goals; great leaders have changed history & though they may have passed from this earth long ago their leadership still shapes the world. The following are the characteristics of leadership:

Having a Vision

This is the fundamental qualification for leadership. By definition, you're not a leader unless someone is following you. Only a fool will follow those who don't know where they're going.

Not only must a leader have goals but the goals must be specific. The more clearly defined they are the easier it'll be for others to follow. Having a goal that's too general may be worse than not having one at all.

General goals are seldom attained & lead only to frustration. Those who "want to get rich," or "go into business for themselves one day," seldom do & if they do, rarely succeed.

Your goals should be noble. Not only should you be specific in your direction, but you need to be just as specific about why you're going there. Seeking higher purposes will result in personal inspiration as well as the inspiration of others.

Great leaders have the ability to make other leaders followers. The quality of those who follow you will directly reflect the quality of your accomplishment. To make other leaders followers requires a greater depth of character, commitment & vision.

Martin Luther King, Jr. was a great leader. He shared his dream with such conviction that it became the dream of millions of others. During his meetings with other civil rights leaders he would sit patiently & intently listening to everything which was said. He was genuinely concerned with what others believed & considered it important. This in turn made them more inclined to listen to him.

Because he was always so intently listening he'd invariably be asked to share his thoughts. His words would then come with such profound understanding, clarity of purpose & confidence in the direction he was going, there was little left to be said when he finished.

Great leaders are usually more inclined to listen than to speak. Therefore, when they do speak it's with greater substance.

Great leaders have seldom taken the mantle of leadership for its own sake. True leadership is born out of vision & purpose that's established firmly on the bedrock of conviction & discipline. Leadership is a means & not the end in itself.

The Ability to Form a Plan

This is the characteristic which separates the achievers from the dreamers. An ancient proverb declares, "He who fails to plan, plans to fail." Even if we have the most noble & appropriate goals , our chances of accomplishing them are remote without proper planning.

Planning is both an art & a discipline. Even the greatest artist has to develop his skills; so must the leader develop his ability to assimilate & organize facts concerning the realities being dealt with. Then the facts have to produce insights that will lead to advantage & success.

The best place to start making a plan is to state the goals or objectives. Then state the first step & succeeding ones to the conclusion. Important steps to include in the plan may be priorities, actions required, timing, personnel, other required resources, ways to measure progress toward the goal, etc.

After you have finished your plan you may want to play the deadly enemy game. If you were the enemy of your plan what would you do to stop it? This will help you to see potential weaknesses or serious problems which are not apparent.

Keeping Priorities in Order

Many have their leadership abilities sapped by majoring on minors. A popular saying in business today is "count the pennies & the dollars will take care of themselves." This is probably true because if we're the C.E.O. & we're taking our time to count the pennies, we won't have any dollars to worry about! Get someone else to count the pennies! The leader must major on the majors.

If we don't take control of our own time, that which represents 10% of our enterprise will demand 90% of our attention. In many cases this is the cause of burnout. If we're in leadership we must learn to delegate the details & give our attention to leading & planning. This is hard for leaders because by nature they're doers & are inclined to become involved - but it must be done if we're to fulfill our potential.

Learning to prioritize your duties can actually multiply your productivity. A simple classification system can be helpful. Keep a current list of your Things To Do. If under your classification system "1" is your highest priority, don't work on the "2's" until the "1's" are finished & so forth down the line. A few more pennies may fall thru the cracks, but you'll be amazed at how many more dollars come in!

Steadfastness

This is the ability to stay on course until the goal is accomplished. To achieve this, the goal will have to have more power in your life than the multitude of external pressures which will try to knock you off course. The ability to do this will depend a great deal upon how well you've prepared for the journey to accomplishment, with its conflicts & its storms.

As an aircraft pilot, several times I've been caught in storms so rough I couldn't read my charts. I'd have been in serious trouble had I not taken the time to prepare for the flight. During those storms I was thankful I hadn't taken any shortcuts in my training & that I was conscientious enough to study my flight path before I took off.

In most of these incidents my pulse hardly even quickened because I was prepared & knew what to do. A lack of preparedness can result in panic which is potentially deadlier than the emergency. Every enterprise will have emergencies. Our preparation during these times of relative calm will have much to do with our performance during the crisis.

Peace of mind is one of the most valuable assets of a leader. Worry clouds our judgment & saps more energy than much physical exertion; stress is the worst enemy of clear thinking & planning. Besides preparation for the course, there are other factors which will help us keep our peace of mind.

One can't have peace of mind without having a sound mind. The primary basis for having a sound mind is understanding the reason for our life. It's for a time been fashionable among the "intelligentsia" to believe that there was no Creator. However, this mentality is rapidly changing.

Obviously there's a great deal of dispute over Who the Creator is, as well as what His intentions are with men, but that too was obviously a part of His plan. This isn't an excuse for the honest man, but a reason for increased resolve in his seeking. It seems that our Creator intended to only be found by those who esteemed & loved truth more than mere human approval. The greatest peace one can know in this life is to know the One who gave this life.

The Ability to Motivate People

Accomplishment will inevitably require sacrifice & commitment from those you lead & people must have a reason to make sacrifices & commit themselves. The ability to motivate people lies in the understanding of what motivates them & of what detracts from their motivation.

There are 2 basic kinds of motivation: positive & negative. Both work & work well, depending on the circumstances & the people. There are basically 2 kinds of leaders: those who sacrifice the people for themselves & those who sacrifice themselves for the people.

Napolean captured the devotion of his troops by identifying with the common man. Calling himself "the little corporal" he considered the time he spent meeting personally w/his troops an important part of his battle plans.

Few have continued to be effective leaders after they lost touch w/the men in the trenches, on the assembly line, or in the pew. Any leader that loses touch with or ceases to care for his people, can probably be replaced by a good computer.

There are many forces at work which discourage the pursuit of leadership. Anyone who takes initiative become the target of a destructive criticism from lesser souls; such as criticism designed to pull everyone else down to their level.

Much of the media has become the embodiment of the "crab spirit" in humanity. Crabs can be kept in containers from which they could easily escape, but if one starts to rise above his fellows to get out they'll pull him back down.

With just a little cooperation they could all escape but the nature of crabs keeps them all in bondage. In the name of journalism or information the media has been used to release some of the worst characteristics in men. The result has been a vacuum of leadership that has historically provided an opportunity for a most undesirable type of leader to step into the void.

Integrity

Integrity is more than just being honest, it's doing what's right. It's the freedom from corrupting influence or practice. It's practising what you preach. It's doing what your conscience tells you to do even if it leaves you as a committee of one.

It's the courage to stand for your convictions. It's always reaching for higher moral standards than may be customary in "the group." The true leader is always reaching for higher standards. It's also the courage & honesty to admit mistakes & failures & to accept the blame for them.

Even the greatest leaders make mistakes. The better the leader you are, the more costly & visible your mistakes will be. Recovering from the mistakes is an important test of true leadership ability. Complete recovery will not take place without accepting such mistakes & taking responsibility for them. The greatest leaders learn to turn their failures into opportunities for achievement & victory. In many cases, failures will turn into the best opportunities for victory.

A great leader must possess the confidence & security to accept the truth about himself & the consequences of his actions. The greatest leaders are those who can best deal with failure - because all will fail at one time or another. Those who boast that they've never failed have never really played the game.

But failure truly can be a great opportunity for future success, if we learn the lessons it teaches instead of just making excuses. As the saying goes:

"He who is good at making excuses is seldom good at anything else."

The greatest victories are those which will overcome previous defeats.

Those who follow you or work for you deserve to know the facts. People usually see far more than the average leader gives them credit for. When we aren't straightforward about problems & mistakes it will ultimately result in a deterioration of morale & commitment as they'll think that we're either not honest or unable to see reality. Motivation & loyalty that has depth & staying power is founded upon truth, not hype.

Courage

Courage is the quality of mind & heart that makes one resist the temptation to stop or retreat in the face of opposition, danger, or hardship. This implies the summoning of all of one's powers to reach the goal. Courage is the firmness of spirit & moral backbone which, while appreciating & properly measuring the risks involved, makes one press on until success is accomplished.

Courage is essential to leadership but it must be tempered with vision & strategy, always keeping our ultimate goal in the forefront so that we aren't defeated by our secondary successes. George Washington is a study in how to balance courage with the keeping of our vision on the ultimate goal. Many times ambitious men rose up to seek his position as Commander-in Chief of the Continental Army.

Often he was tempted to defend himself & attack the integrity of those lesser men. He resisted that temptation knowing that such pettiness could undo the unity of the 13 states, which would result in their defeat by the British. It took more courage for Washington to stay above the political infighting than it did to get into it.

Loyalty

Loyalty is faithfulness to principles, to the plan & to the people. A social chameleon who changes to conform to each new environment or group is void of the basic characteristics that makes a true leader. True leaders aren't so easily changed but instead have the strength of character to change their environments, or the mindset of the crowd.

If we're to expect others to be loyal to us then we must set the example. Loyalty will not stoop to gossip or to belittle others in leadership, or those who may be subordinate. The true leader doesn't rise by making others look smaller. Great leaders set their standards by the highest standards, not by what others may or may not be doing.

Initiative

Obviously a leader has to be one who seeks & accepts responsibility. Half the victory is often found in just starting the battle. The ones who take initiative will usually be able to keep it, giving them a substantial advantage.

It's been said that there are basically 3 kinds of people in the world: those who watch what's happening, those who talk about making things happen & those who do it.

The sad thing is that most of those in the first 2 categories have done everything required to be a "doer" except one thing - initiative. Many of the greatest athletes never play in a real game because they never took the first step of trying out for the team. If those who spend their lives dreaming about being great musicians would spend as much time practicing as they do dreaming others would be dreaming about being them!

Few of those who are always talking about doing great things ever do anything at all, much less anything great. Every journey begins with just one step; if you don't know how to take it you aren't going to go anywhere.

Endurance

This is the ability to stay with the task all the way to the completion. This is a serious problem with those who have strong leadership ability because leaders find it much more stimulating to start a task than to finish it. As a result they often have numerous unfinished projects lying dormant while they pick up the pursuit of the next interesting venture.

The ability to finish the job is every bit as important as being able to get all of the resources & energy going to start it. This takes discipline. The failure to complete jobs is usually a telltale sign that we're running on emotional energy rather than true, focused vision.

This is the reason why some of the world's best salesmen remain poor; they can get an eskimo excited about buying snow but somehow never get his signature on the bottom line. These salesmen get a sense of accomplishment out of persuading their prospects to believe them - not in getting their business. We haven't succeeded until the job is completed!

The Will to Implement the Plan

"Knowledge is power" according to the proverb. This is true when it's possessed by a wise & decisive leader. Wisdom is the Ability to apply knowledge correctly.

Courage is the Will to apply it. Without wisdom & courage, increased knowledge will only inflict us with "the paralysis of analysis."

Planning & preparation must lead to action. It's quite unlikely that one will ever feel, or be, totally prepared & confident when the action begins. If we wait for complete confidence we'll never accomplish anything.

Often circumstances come upon us suddenly which require action when we feel totally unprepared. It always seems in these situations that once we begin to take action when we feel totally unprepared.

It always seems in these situations that once we begin to take action to the best of our ability, confidence & wisdom then come. A leader must be action orientated & not just a whiz at theory & planning. The ability to plan is essential for true success, but it must be united with action.

A leader, like the captain of a ship, needs to know where he's going & how to get there before he leaves port. We must also be able to plan while on the journey after the storms, mechanical failures & other surprises require a modification of the plan. It's important to be able to stay on course, but it's just as important to be able to get back on the course, or plot a new one, once a forced change has come.

Personal Fulfillment: Why It Pays to Be a Teacher