The Causes of Fear  Robert Elias Najemy

Overcoming Fear ­ Part 3

The prime & basic cause of all fear is our ignorance of our true nature. If we experienced or were convinced of our invulnerable eternal soul-nature, we would never feel any fear whatsoever. Because we don't or can't, believe this truth, we feel vulnerable, separate, isolated & susceptible to extinction or insignificance.

Because of this, we identify with the body & the complex of personality traits, which we call "I". All fears, no matter how specific they may appear to be, can be traced back to the basic fear of rejection of pain to or extinction of the "I" & the loss of any of its security attachments.

Some subordinate factors also contribute to fear:

1. A feeling of separateness increases our fear. When we feel close to people & nature we can't easily fear them. Fear results from a feeling of alienation, which manifests a general feeling of suspicion of all & everything.

This is the basis of the newly discovered Energy Based Psychology systems of Thought Field Therapy (Dr. Roger Callahan) & Emotional Freedom Techniques (Gary Craig) which offer easy & quick freedom from fear & other negative emotions. We will discuss these in later sections of this series.

The Purpose of Fear

What Are You Afraid Of?

Why? Why? Why?

The year was 1950. My mother had just had her 7th boy - her 11th child. We lived in Great Falls, Montana. My dad was an itinerant preacher, (not the kind of profession that provides abundantly for a family that size).

That helped motivate me a lot. Anyway, I’ll never forget the first guy I talked to. I timidly stuck a paper out in front of me a little bit & asked, "Would you like to buy a paper?"

He didn’t bite me, get mad at me or laugh at me. He just grinned real big & said, "Sure, kiddo!" & pulled out a nickel & gave it to me. My first business venture & I was a success already! Everybody thought I was the cutest little paperboy they'd ever seen. The other papers went fast.

Ya’ know something? I didn’t stand a chance in life. I didn’t stand a chance of ever becoming an introvert. I was forced to break past the barriers of timidity & shyness before I even knew they existed.

But, for those of you who would like to overcome a bashful nature, just know this for a fact, you never do it in a hurry. One time on the streets wasn't enough to turn me into an outgoing extrovert. But, my dad was a persistent teacher.

Night after night, I ended up at the grocery store. He loved the small profits this was bringing in, so he asked my brothers to bring home extra papers on purpose!

If you want someone to excel in life, keep giving them bigger & bigger challenges. I couldn’t sell all the papers at the store, so I dared to venture on down to the Deaconess Hospital.

Motivation is the key to overcoming shyness & fear of people. I was motivated.

Success sometimes breeds greed or greed sometimes demands success. I don’t know which is which. Anyway, my dad’s ambitions were greater than mine. He finally decided that I should walk the mile or so to the newspaper office to buy my own papers. That way I could get an earlier start & sell more papers.

This was new territory. It was the unknown. But, I couldn’t afford to be afraid of the unknown. Whether I wanted to or not, I had to trample all over fear in order to get my papers & get back home again. Off I went each day w/50 cents in my pocket. That would buy 20 papers.

New challenges produce new discoveries. I came across an ice cream factory on my way home. Since fear didn’t want to go in, I made him wait outside for me. I had papers to sell & I knew the people in there weren’t going to come outside to buy my papers.

He who always waits for success will still be waiting while others go out & find it for themselves. Anyway, that’s when I discovered there are always side benefits to the most difficult tasks. Each time I stopped at that place, I was given a bit of free ice cream.

Just think! Fear could have made me pass up all that free ice cream, plus the newspaper sales. Fear never was a smart businessman. Fear has never been the prime ingredient for success. I wonder why people hang onto to him so?

Anyway, let me make a good point here. Repetition is the key to good learning. Write a word down 20 times & chances are you'll always know how to spell it. See it only once & that’s not likely.

How do you learn to play the piano? Little by little - over & over - the same way you learn to play the banjo, the flute or the trumpet. Practice is merely the repetition which is necessary for success.

Face a fear only once & it'll never go away. Face it again & again & it'll soon become afraid of you. Pursue it & it'll flee, but run from it & it'll overtake you.

People bluff their way thru poker games & thru life & sometimes you have to bluff your way past fear. There are times when you need to feel the fear but act as though you're not afraid. Keep acting & pretty soon you'll be playing the part perfectly.

At other times, bluffing isn't the way to go. It might be better to just admit to others that you're feeling some fear or anxiety, but let them know that you intend to push your way past those uncomfortable feelings.

After all, that’s all fear is - an emotion.

But, it’s an emotion that’s not supposed to govern your life. It isn't supposed to stifle your creativity. It isn't supposed to paralyze your soul & your body. Fear is never supposed to rule over any individual or any society. It was meant to protect a person from real & obvious danger.

It was designed to produce an extra amount of energy in times of peril. When it robs you of the motivation to face a true & noble challenge, it has been perverted. That’s when it needs to be severely renounced & cut to pieces.

Have no mercy on fear when it robs you of your ability to do what is right & good. Grab it by the scruff of the neck & drag it w/you into the fight or tell it to ‘get lost’ while you go on without it. Who needs fear anyway? It never did put bread on the table or sugar in the pantry. We can do without it.

The man who stands up to speak to the people while he is afraid, will soon discover that fear will eventually let him walk to the podium alone. Why? Because that creature called "fear" is afraid & he can’t take it. When he sees that you're determined to go contrary to his counsel over & over again he will leave you alone.

Someone once said,

"When you do that which you fear, the death of fear is certain!"

When it's a ‘stubborn fear’, you may only make him sick at first, but if you keep it up, he'll simply give up & die! So, whatever you do - don’t let him win. He’s not worth it.

He'll never make you any smarter, richer or stronger. He’s a loser & he’s trying make you just like himself. Don’t ever remain afraid unless that’s the way you want to be forever. Dare to challenge your fears, again & again. Don’t lay down like a wimp & let them keep running over you. Stand up to them like a man!

Even if you’re a woman!

I had to overcome fear before I even knew how to spell it. I think it’s probably easier to overcome some fears when you’re young. They are mere sprouts at that time of your life. They haven’t gained strength yet. They haven’t become intertwined w/various aspects of your life.

But, let them get a toe-hold & the struggle is much worse. Let them become entrenched in your life & it'll seem impossible to overcome them. But, that’s not true! Nothing in this life is impossible, especially if you can get God on your side of the fight.

The more difficult the battle, the greater the victory. The longer the ordeal, the sweeter the triumph. Take 2 years of college & the rewards are minimal. Get a 4 year degree & you command a greater degree of respect.

But, the doctors who spend 12 grueling years preparing for their practice are insuring for themselves a greater success. No matter how long it takes, break past the fear barriers of your life.

Don’t look to me for a simple "1, 2, 3" formula for victory. Every fear is different & every individual is unique. The way my grandmother overcame fear may not work for me. Not everyone can start selling newspapers when they are 7 years old.

My advice may not fit your circumstances. But, my words can motivate you to at least get up & try. The man who never looks for answers will sit forever on an ant bed of confusion or languish on a bed of lethargy. Neither option is desirable.

Fear is a liar. He says you can’t, when ‘down deep’ you know you can. He warns you of dangers that don't exist. He paints pictures of ‘boogey men’ in the dark, but can never produce them in the light.

Fear is a con man & a deceiver of the worst kind. You’ve got too much pride to let a salesman fleece you into buying something you don’t want. But, you’ll sit there & let that ‘lying fear’ tie you in knots.

You’ll let him put the handcuffs on you & lead you wherever he wants you to go or you'll let him keep you from going where you want to go. That doesn’t make much sense to me. Why should you stay bound to him? He doesn’t add a thing to your life!

He’s a real couch potato who won’t lift a finger to help you & won’t let you do a thing to help yourself. He’s a jealous taskmaster who won’t treat you right & yet won’t let you go find someone who will.

Personally, I think you ought to stand up & say, "Fear, I’m filing for a divorce! I’ve had all I can take of you. You can contest the divorce if you want to, but it’s not going to work. I’ve made up my mind. I love ‘courage’ more than I do you & one way or another I’m going to put courage into my life & get rid of you for good!"

It may be a long, bitter battle, but if you're determined to win, you will. If you'll persist & persevere, you'll come out on top.

You'll accomplish something worthwhile. You'll break the back of that tormenting fear that has kept you down for so long. You'll make it out of that ‘Iron Curtain Country" where fear is a dictator of the worst kind.

You'll make it past the barbed wire, the barking dogs & even the machine gun fire that threatens your life. If you listen to the sound of those threats, you will never make it. Just keep your eye on the goal & keep moving away from fear - steadily & surely.

Don’t give up until you know for sure that you have made it all the way to ‘free world soil’! Is there any reason why you shouldn’t be free?

There's no law that says you have to be afraid if you don’t want to. There's no law that says you have to be afraid forever. If you don’t like to be afraid then get up & begin moving. Don’t let fear pin you to the ground anymore.

Be a pioneer of a new frontier. Be a leader of those who are tired of the oppression of fear & anxiety. Rise up against the tyranny of such ‘inner helplessness’ & hopelessness.

Create a national anthem for your soul & begin to sing it every day. Sing out loudly about boldness & courage. Sing about trust, peace & tranquility in the face of challenges.

Sing about ‘confidence’& pursue it! March to the beat of a daring personality. Go where you’ve never gone before. Do what you’ve never done before. Do it again & again.

Jump out of your rut! Take a different path. Learn a skill you’ve never tried. Try something new - for no other reason than to ‘beat the stuffing out of fear’!

Practice mental judo jabs. Learn some karate chops, while you are at it. Put fear where it belongs - on the mat & on it’s back! Don’t let him intimidate you anymore!

Declare this to be an ‘off-season’ for bullies. Tell worry & anxiety that their time is up. They can’t hassle you anymore. Don’t apologize when you kick them out of your life. Decide to live confidently, no matter what.

Grab ‘fear of failure’ by the shoulder & dance him right off the dance floor. Come back & grab that ugly dude called, ‘dread’ & dump him over the railing onto the patio below. Tell him to ‘get lost.’ Tell him this is your party & you’re in control from now on. Grab the mike & start singing,

I’m not gonna be afraid of the future, I’m never gonna fear tomorrow. I’ll never again run from trouble & I’ll never crouch in the barn anymore.

My daddy didn’t send me out on the street just to sell newspapers. He sent me out there to learn something from life - something I could share w/others.

That time has come. I’m doing my part! On the playing field of life, I’m throwing you a pass. What are you going to do with it?

Grab what I’ve given you & head for the goal post! Go for it!

What do you Fear? Robert Elias Najemy

Overcoming Fear Part I

"We Have Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself"

Franklin Theodore Roosevelt

Fear is the Mother of All Negative Emotions

From the moment we relinquished the security of our mother¹s womb & had our umbilical cord cut, we experienced separation, isolation, insecurity & fear.

We fear for our bodies & personalities because we know they're vulnerable & mortal. Out of fear, we seek to create some sense of security by ensuring that we have sufficient people, money & objects, as well as a professional & social position, etc. in our lives.

• We fear not having what we need in order to feel secure & happy.
• We fear losing these things when we do have them.
• We fear others who might take these things from us.
• We fear change that might make them disappear.
• We fear death, which means losing all this.
  
  

• Some of us are afraid of animals, insects, spiders, cockroaches, centipedes, snakes, birds & other wild animals.
• We fear each other & the opposite sex.
• The poor fear the rich & the rich the poor.

For many of us darkness offers a festive occasion for fear to play w/ our imagination. A dark, unfamiliar room (or even a familiar one after seeing one of those horror films) becomes quite threatening.

Darkness is the unknown & therefore is associated w/danger & death. The mind can imagine anything hiding in the darkness. We are ignorant of what lies in darkness & thus identify it w/danger & death.

Of all these fears the most common are of:

1. Rejection
2. Failure
3. Death of a loved one
4. Our own death
5. Illness & weakness
6. Physical & / or emotional pain
7. People & animals

Going to the doctor: Recognizing kids fear of pain  Mark Kolakowski / Jan. 2002

Routine medical appointments, including those that involve vaccinations or other injections, shouldn't be traumatic experiences for the vast majority of children.

It's critical that parents get it right the first time, says Manhattan psychotherapist Judith Miller, Ph.D. If a child's initial memories of visiting the doctor are scary, it may be very difficult to undo the psychological damage later.

For starters, Dr. Miller urges parents to seek out pediatricians who truly are child-centered. In particular, this means finding a doctor who not only communicates well w/children, but also makes speaking directly to them his priority.

A doctor who talks primarily to the parents may only foster feelings of powerlessness & dread in the child.

Furthermore, it's just as critical that the doctor be completely forthcoming & truthful. The old quick fix of attempting to calm a child by falsely insisting that "it won't hurt a bit" nearly always has disastrous consequences in the long run.

Not only will the child learn to distrust any & all doctors (Stephen King's recent book On Writing touches upon his own hurt & anger in being duped this way as a kid), but he also will take away some unintended lessons about the importance of honesty.

Sharon Galvin, M.D. agrees wholeheartedly. In her dermatology practice, she finds that children respond well to "square talk". Minimizing a young patient's discomfort & working as quickly as possible is crucial, she says.

Unfortunately, there's no easy way to find a doctor who will interact well w/your child. Recommendations from fellow parents (talk to their kids, too!) are the obvious place to start.

The next step, ideally, would be to speak to the physician, to assess whether he/she appears appropriate for your child. In the course of this discussion, Dr. Miller encourages parents to explore whether the doctor shares similar values.

i.e., she feels strongly that her 7-year-old son's doctor shouldn't prescribe antibiotics routinely & made this an important selection criterion.

Dr. Galvin adds that some kids simply react adversely to the traditional white coat & that doctors who choose to "dress down" may connect with these kids better.

And, she also observes that doctors who delegate injections to their nursing staff often are more effective in conducting examinations, since the child is less apt to shrink from the doctor as a source of pain.

Parents can't transfer all responsibility to the doctor, however. Frequently, a worried or frightened child simply is responding to cues from his parents.

Acting or speaking in a nervous or alarmist fashion isn't the only way in which a parent can transfer fears to a child. Just as problematic, notes Dr. Miller, is a parent who pooh-poohs the youngster's fears, refusing to discuss them in an honest, direct manner.

The child may then feel his parent is hiding unpleasant facts & become scared as a result. Refusing to talk openly with the child only gives more room for dire conjecture to build in the young mind.

Dr. Miller suggests strongly that parents make children aware of the importance of regular medical appointments & to announce these routine visits days, if not weeks, in advance.

Springing a regular visit upon a child as a last-minute surprise is more apt to spur anxiety than to stem it. In a broader sense, she sees great benefits in developing daily & weekly routines for children (meal times, bed times, activity times): fitting the doctor into these cycles helps make this part of life more normal & less worrisome.

There are ways to reduce the pain associated with injections & other procedures. i.e., anesthetic creams can deaden the nerve endings in the area to be injected.

However, there are drawbacks, Dr. Galvin cautions. These creams usually take effect only after about 2 hours, requiring either that the parents acquire & apply them in advance of the office visit or that they make 2 trips to the doctor's office in the same day; first to apply the cream, then to get the injection.

Often, says Dr. Galvin, even relatively skittish children just prefer to take the shot right away & get it all over with as soon as possible.

In certain other cases, transdermal patches can deliver medications that normally would be injected. A technique called iontophoresis is another variation on this theme: here electrodes are embedded in the patch, assisting in delivery of the drug.

Again, parents should ask the doctor whether these or other alternatives might be available in place of a given shot. In her own specialty, Dr. Galvin notes that non-surgical options exist in many situations: i.e., medicated patches & ointments can be used to shrink some varieties of warts, sparing the child cutting & stitching.

While new topical creams & transdermal patch delivery systems can either be messy & slow to act or complex & expensive, Fairlawn, N.J.-based Vyteris, Inc. has simplified & miniaturized the technology into an easy-to-use, low-cost system.

Compared to existing transdermal patch systems, Vyteris' new system for delivering lidocaine & a wide variety of other pain-numbing medications is much faster & penetrates deeper into the skin.

A small, programmable system that can be worn & concealed on the arm, the technology will ensure, for the first time, that applications that require variable dosing of the medication can have a means of reliable & comfortable delivery. ( n/a Vyteris hopes to introduce this system for the delivery of lidocaine in early 2003; it's likely to be available for applications in the hospital & at home.)

When the shot (or other invasive procedure) is the only feasible alternative, the doctor should be ready to explain the rationale to the child. When Dr. Miller's pediatrician recently told her son about the sorts of potential illnesses that his recent vaccinations were intended to prevent, young Michael was more than willing to accept the temporary hurt of the injection.

Indeed, when it comes to vaccinations, doctors & parents shouldn't hesitate to appeal to children's natural altruism. Michael Miller was very happy to hear that, by being vaccinated, he was reducing the possibility that other children might catch some nasty bug from him.

The bottom line is that parents should indeed be sympathetic to their kids' concerns, while doing their best to avoid creating needless worries. In partnership with a physician who's as concerned with the youngster's mind & feelings as his body, the occasional shot, cut or stitch at the hands of doctor should be a minor inconvenience & not a major crisis.

Moreover, the child who develops such a positive attitude towards medical care should be willing to let you know when he truly doesn't feel well, rather than hiding a genuine physical complaint for fear of being hurt worse by the treatment.

Making the Dentist Less Threatening
The same principles that apply to doctors hold true with dentists. Scott Dubowsky, D.M.D., a dentist in private practice who is also clinical assistant professor at the NYU College of Dentistry, finds that children mostly fear the unknown.

Thus, he invests much effort in "show & tell" with his young patients, employing illustrations & audio-visual presentations where appropriate.

Once kids understand what he's trying to do & of the importance of regular checkups to avoid major problems, he finds that much of their apprehension is eliminated.

Indeed, Dr. Dubowsky goes one better. He invites parents of infants to bring them along on dental appointments. Even if the wee ones are much too young for a true dental exam, he wants them just to get used to him, his staff, his office & his instruments, especially the mirror, which he finds ideal for little peek-a-boo games.

By thus dispelling any mystery about who he is & what he does, he takes a preemptive strike against any unfounded fears.

He, too, finds that parents can be either a great help or a tremendous hindrance in shaping kids' attitudes about health care professionals. He urges parents to avoid loose talk peppered w/scare words like "needle", "hurt" or "drilling".

Often an agitated child simply is reflecting a parent's worries & frequently these kids calm down once the parent is left behind in the waiting room & treatment or examination begins.

On the other hand, if Dr. Dubowsky knows the parent to be a calming influence, he may suggest that the parent be present while he is treating the child.

On the management of pain, Dr. Dubowsky notes that great strides have been made in dental technology. In his practice, he uses computer-aided anesthetic delivery devices that truly minimize the discomfort traditionally associated w/the traditional needle of painkiller.

This allows him, quite honestly, to assure kids that the initial hurt really will be no more than a "mosquito bite." Kids can deal with that.

Parents feel the "hurt" too
Kids aren't the only ones who hate getting shots. A nationwide study recently conducted by Bruskin Research for Vyteris, showed that 77% of parents taking youngsters for vaccinations dread doing so, because of the pain or anxiety their child is likely to experience.

Half of these parents admit they wish there were something they could do to minimize the pain. The other half, however, "shrug it off," saying the pain subsides quickly anyway.

And nearly 1 in 5 claims that pain from needles or other procedures will "make their child stronger & build character." (The numbers were similar for parents whose children received repeated needle punctures or other painful procedures for chronic conditions).

"Research tells us that pain experienced during childhood can have a debilitating & sometimes long-lasting impact on children," warns William Zempsky, M.D., assistant professor of pediatrics at the Connecticut Children's Medical Center.

"This survey shows what parents & caregivers may not be fully aware of the impact of pain on children."

The nation's pediatricians agree. This past fall, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) & the American Pain Society (APS) issued a joint policy statement addressing the need for health care professionals to eliminate or ease pain suffered by children wherever possible.

The statement says ample knowledge about pain exists for physicians to treat children humanely & effectively, but it isn't universally applied. Why not?

The physicians' groups cite:

• The myth that children, especially infants, don't feel pain the way adults do.
• A lack of assessment & reassessment for pain.
• Fears about side effects of pain medications, including respiratory problems & addiction.
• The belief by some health care workers that pain builds character in children.

The Vyteris survey highlighted clinical research (as reported in the journal Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, August 1999) has indicated that repeated pain exposure causes children to become more "sensitized" & "preoccupied" with pain, rather than helping them cope with immediate or future stress, as some may believe.

Recurrent pain can have a detrimental & cumulative effect on quality of life, particularly for infants & young children. It may, in fact, permanently affect future perception & reaction to pain as a child grows.

i.e., anxiety caused by the memory of past pain can magnify the perception of pain during later procedures. And the distress caused by shots can lead to a poor relationship between health care provider & child & in turn, the possibility of unscheduled or missed appointments for critical immunizations, blood tests or other medical procedures (Pediatric Annals, June 1998).

Some researchers even go so far as to say that stress related to pain reaction can hinder a child's ability to fight disease or recover from illness (Pediatrician, 1989).

Some school-age children & adolescents believe that their parents, doctor or other provider will view them as "good" if they internalize the pain (Handbook of Diversity Issues in Health Psychology, 1996).

Although the vast majority of parents polled in the Vyteris survey say they're satisfied w/how their health care provider deals w/the pain their child experiences during procedures or injections, more than 65 % said they believe there's room for change.

While parents employ a variety of methods to an attempt to alleviate their child's pain (from reassuring them, 32% to sympathizing, 16%), 1/4 of parents questioned said they either didn't know what to do or believe there was nothing they could do.

"Clearly parents want things to improve & are, indeed, trying to make their child more comfortable," says Dr. Zempsky. "But there's much more than can be done by parents & physicians to alleviate a child's suffering.

In fact, the research shows that we should do more & that, for many children, it may be unacceptable to leave the problem unaddressed."
The survey also found that parents overwhelmingly want health care professionals to stay abreast of new technologies that can help reduce the pain their child experiences (62%) & more than 70% would want information from their child's physician about new ways to prevent pain.

Again, the AAP & APS are in agreement. Their policy statement says physicians need to expand their knowledge of pediatric pain management principles, provide a calm environment for painful procedures, use appropriate assessment tools & techniques, anticipate painful experiences & involve families in creating solutions for their child's pain.

In addition, the statement recommends that pediatricians advocate for child-specific research in pain management & FDA evaluation of analgesics for children.

It was only with the use of the Robarts' high-resolution functional MRI scans that the evidence became irrefutable. "This study has been able to distinguish 2 separate brain regions," explains Gati, "one region associated with pain itself & one region associated with the anticipation of pain."

Coaching reduce cancer patient's pain

Individualized program helped patients talk to their doctor, set pain-control goals.

(SACRAMENTO, Calif.) — Cancer patients who received coaching in how to talk to their doctors about pain experienced 20% less discomfort in subsequent weeks, according to a UC Davis study published in the April 16 issue of the Journal of Clinical Oncology.

The study of 87 patients at the UC Davis Cancer Center & Kaiser Permanente was conducted by Richard Kravitz, a professor of medicine & director of the UC Davis Center for Health Services Research in Primary Care & Jennifer Wright Oliver, a medical student at UC Davis Medical Center.

"We motivated patients to be more effective when they talk w/their doctors about pain," said Kravitz. "This approach has been used in people with diabetes & other chronic diseases, but ours was the first time it had been used in cancer. As an intervention, it shows promise in helping cancer patients."

An estimated 42% of cancer patients don't get sufficient relief from pain, not because their pain can’t be controlled but because of patient-doctor communication barriers. These include patients not knowing their options or fearing being perceived as "bad" patients for talking about pain. Some patients worry that treating pain may keep their physician from treating their cancer aggressively, said Kravitz. Others fear they'll become addicted to pain medications.

In the study, counselors in the experimental group met for 15 minutes with cancer patients to design an individualized program for pain relief. They asked patients about their beliefs on pain management & had them set goals, such as being able to attend a family gathering or sleep thru the night without pain. They would also rehearse what patients would ask for in future visits with their doctors.

The control group received a 15-minute educational session on pain control. In subsequent follow-ups, the patients who had received individualized coaching showed a 20% overall reduction in average pain. Both groups showed improvements in pain-related knowledge.

The study underscores the need to involve cancer patients more actively in pain management decisions, said Kravitz. "Health-care professionals need to determine their patient’s attitudes about pain & encourage them to discuss the subject openly," he said. "This isn't necessarily easy, because patients are often reluctant to disclose their pain."

The authors recommend further study on a larger sample of cancer patients to confirm its effectiveness. Copies of all news releases from UC Davis Health System are available on the Web at http://news.ucdmc.ucdavis.edu.

The study was funded by a grant from the Bayer Health Communications Institute.

Our Gift To Our Children & Their Future
by Kim Spalding

originally published in Inner Change Magazine- August/September 2002

There's a discrepancy between the perception of what a child is thru the eyes of an adult & the truth of who they really are. This vast sea of perception is the mass consciousness we all draw upon & replenish. Within this infinite spectrum of understanding comes the foundation of self love or self hatred for every child. There's no such thing as a thought that doesn't matter - we all add to this cosmic soup w/all we do. 

The future of our children is shaped & molded by our thoughts & beliefs; fears, judgments, doubts, limitations, anger, faith, trust & hope.

The foundation of truth we all share is ever present in this constant creation. Our greatest gift to our children, the children of the world & ourselves is to summon forth the courage to be present in love.

What does this mean? Well, first it means to let go of the past. While focusing on the past, you hold yourself in thoughts of doubt, fear, lack & pain - you aren't trusting in the infinite well of loving abundance that is yours in every moment. 

Thirdly, being present in love is a conscious choice. It isn't only choosing to embrace each moment fully & to be & remain here now, but it's also the choice to open & share your heart to & with all. It's to act with conscious intention instead of reacting.

Many of us have been taught that strength is lost in vulnerability. We confuse healthy boundaries with defensive emotional walls. The strength that comes through vulnerability is flexible - bending & yielding & is based upon faith, hope & trust.

It's founded in the flowing, unconditional heart. To build a world of love & peace, children must be "presented"; i.e. "gifted" with this outlook & belief system.

Dreams of peace & the ideas & inspirations of understanding, joy & love that are so necessary to create a world where children feel safe, comfortable & can thrive are fostered & enhanced thru the gift of "loving presence." 

For as within; without. The reflection our children offers to us is a clear guide as to where our work remains. The gift of love & gentleness to the world is built & supported by open, caring hearts.

And, we can only be responsible for our own. The example we give in the way we choose to live our lives is the most powerful tool for effective change & is the most determining factor in our children's future. We can't pretend it's anyone else's responsibility. 

Whether we have children of our own or not, we are all part of the same family & share the same world. If we take the time to ask ourselves what kind of splash we wish to make in this world & open our hearts to live our lives in accordance with our dreams, we'll have created the perfect launching pad into the future.

Let us choose to give the greatest gift of all to our children & to ourselves; to put our gentle, joyous & loving hearts in motion.

Handling Your Fears

Fear is a feeling that too often runs our lives. Whether it's fear of commitment, rejection, failure, death, flying, or any other phobia, it tends to keep us from living our lives to the fullest.

Fear can be handled rationally & can be controlled if you’re willing to work on it & are motivated enough in controlling it, instead of it controlling you.

The 1st thing you need to do is take the time to get to know your fears.

Most of the time, people are aware of their fears, but never really get to know them. Set up a time when you can sit down & have an interview with your fear.

• What is your fear? 
• Where does it come from ?
• Why do you fear it?

These are questions that must be provided with answers in order to better understand your fear, so that you can start brainstorming about methods that will work best for you.

Start with acknowledging what the fear really is.

Once you're fully aware of what your fear is, then work on figuring out where it comes from. i.e., if you have a fear of failure, what gave birth to such a fear?

There's a cause for everything, so if you feel puzzled on tracking down the place of where it came from, keep looking inside yourself until you find it.

• Did you do poorly in school as a young child?
• Did your parents constantly pressure you to do well, making you feel anxious & incapable of ever pleasing them?

Knowing where your fear comes from is the biggest key to understanding it. Understanding your fears is good because it also means that you’re able to find solutions to it.

After making the discovery of where your fear(s) come from, you may then ask yourself why you fear it so much.

Many people have a fear to fly, i.e., because they hear news of airplane crashes & are terrified that they might share the same fate as the planes that crashed.

Others fear flying because they’re intimidated with the fact that they’d be so high above the ground. Learning why your fear exists so strongly is important & will help you learn more about yourself & the way you think about things.

Once you figure all of this out, what do you do to handle your fear?

Research tends to help greatly. Let's say you have a fear of commitment. The best thing to do is look back at all the experiences that helped build this fear. Did you get heartbroken several times from past relationships & now run away when an opportunity for a serious relationship comes to surface?

Go back in time to those relationships & re-live what went wrong & why. You’ll discover that all those situations were different in some way & handled in different ways.

What does that tell you? It tells you that no one is the same & no relationship is perfect. Admitting to this fact will help you understand that running away isn’t the answer, but what you really need to do is face & accept the imperfection in your relationships & work on ways to better the challenging situations.

Talking about your fears with people will help too & feed you more knowledge on your fear.

If your fear is commitment, then talk to a friend about it & ask them how their relationships are & how they handle challenges. You’ll soon learn that not all relationships end in heartbreak & that you’re capable of having a happy & healthy relationship, just like anyone else.

Talking about your fears will also be good self-therapy. Sometimes, just letting something off your chest helps tremendously, making you feel stronger & more prepared to face your fear & control it. So keep talking about it for as long as you need to.

Facing your fears & accepting that they exist will be a big breakthrough for you. When you feel strong enough to face it, just go for it without giving in to the intimidation.

There’s no doubt that it’ll be difficult & perhaps even impossible to go thru w/it in your first few attempts, but with practice & support from yourself & others, you’ll eventually stare your fear in the face & realize that you were the more powerful one this whole time.

Finding methods that work for you may take time, but will be worth it when you see how dramatically your life will change. You’ll be able to face the world more open mindedly, as well as do the things you’ve always wanted & deserved to do. When you allow fear to control your life, you’re really pushing away experiences that you were meant to experience.

The important keys you need to remember are:

1. Defining your Fear
2. Finding out where it comes from
3. Learning why you fear it so much
4. Accepting it's existence
5. Facing it & taking control

The truth is, you might never terminate your fear entirely, but you’ll learn to take charge & decide just how much you’ll make your fear a part of your life & just how much of an influence it'll have.

There will be times you’ll want to give up & forget about conquering your fear, but every time these temptations come around, just remind yourself of the life you actually really want.

A life that can be completely happy & one you can live to the fullest. When you remind yourself of this, use that strength right then & there & dare your fear to a challenge & show it who is boss!