Overcoming Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt

4 things you can do to chase away the enemies of goal attainment & move onto reaching you dreams!

When he was 32, Dylan fulfilled his longtime dream of becoming a professional body builder. For him, winning first place in the state championship was even more spectacular than he’d imagined.

Now he set a new goal that would drive his decision making process for the next decade:

 To become a professional trainer to those who desired to improve their physical appearance. Today, Dylan is runs a thriving business & clears nearly 6 figures a year.

Achieving his goals was anything but easy, because along the way, many people attempted to dissuade him off his path thru the use of FUD.

Simply put, FUD is Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt. It's quite possibly the most powerful weapon that others will use against you to prevent you from reaching your lifetime goals.

Sometimes the use of FUD is insidious, cloaked in a message that is designed to plant the seedlings of self-doubt & thus deter you from your dreams. In Dylan’s case, several so-called friends told him,

“There's no money to be made in personal training – why bother?”

So how do you deal with FUD?

Consider a few simple precepts:

Imagine Yourself Meeting Your Goals

Once you have identified your goal(s), visualize yourself in them to help motivate yourself in their achievement. This may mean keeping a journal of the things you’re doing to reach your goal. It may also mean placing up visual aids in places that you can see to self-remind you of your goal. i.e.,

If your goal is to lose weight, place a picture up of a favorite celebrity’s body image that you wish to emulate.

Another helpful tip: Read up on topics related to your dream. If you want to buy a new car, start examining periodicals that address this topic. All of these activities are designed to strengthen your resolve to achieve your goal & fortify you against the next several points.

Surround Yourself Around Positive People Who Have A Similar Goal

One of the best ways to help you achieve your goal is to surround yourself around others who have like interests.

i.e., if your goal is to retire at 50, you may want to join an online investment club & find others who’re looking to do the same. Perhaps your goal is to earn your college degree, but the only way to do so is thru an online university due to family & work obligations.

If this is the case, it may be helpful to connect with others who’re doing the same thing so as to stay motivated. If you want to write a book, but have heard that it’s difficult to get it published, consider joining a writer’s club. You get the point.

Surrounding yourself around others who have a positive attitude with similar interests will keep you on track to goal attainment by chasing away doubt while instilling personal motivation.

CONCLUSION

Reaching a personal goal brings about a sense of accomplishment & personal satisfaction.

To achieve your goal, learn how to identify the gremlins of goal derailment, which primarily consists of FUD. You can defeat FUD imagining yourself achieving your goals, tuning out negative remarks by others, personal negative self-talk & finally, surrounding yourself around others who have similar interests. Once you’ve learned to defeat FUD, you’ll have gone along way in achieving your dreams – it happened for Dylan & it can happen for you.

What causes fear of rejection & fear of being alone?

If you feel uncomfortable in situations such as meeting new people, speaking in front of groups, dealing w/someone who's upset, having to tell someone you care about a mistake you made or telling about your inner feelings or thoughts when you know they're different?

Fear of rejection may underlie all of these situations. If we really value other people & how they feel about us, it's natural that we'd feel some fear of rejection as a whenever there's the possibility for actual rejection.

Like other fears the fear of rejection is increased by the importance of the other person to me, my perceived inexperience or lack of skill in dealing w/ the situation & w/other factors which may affect my actual chances of being rejected.

"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free."

Fear of Rejection as Fear of Being Alone

Underlying my fear of rejection might be a fear of being alone. I might fear that I might end up all alone in the world with no one who really cares.

Fear of rejection as negative feedback about who I am

If your self-image is too closely tied to what others think of you or how well you relate to others, then fear of rejection can be a threat to your whole self-image.

That in itself can create a lot of anxiety. If you're used to defining the core of your Self or your future as "popular", "married", "well-liked", "a leader", or the like, then threats to any of these self-concepts may create a great deal of anxiety.

PRACTICE:  

(1) Make a list of at least 10 important general characteristics of yourself.

(2) Examine items on that list which are "interpersonal" in nature. How would you feel about yourself if all of these were threatened at once.

Could you still love, respect & take good care of yourself & still be a happy person? If not, then try to re-examine what changes need to take place in your beliefs about yourself to become less dependent upon others & their view of you.

Signs of Fear

Nervous mannerisms, shyness, withdrawal & aggressive behavior may be signs of childhood fears. A change in normal eating & sleeping patterns may also signal an unhealthy fear. Children who “play sick” or feel anxious regularly may have some problems that need attention.

Fear of school can occur following a stressful event such as moving to a new neighborhood, changing schools or after a bad incident at school.

Children may not want to go to school after a period of being at home because of an illness.

When to seek help.

Parents & family members are usually the first to notice if a child has problems w/emotions or behavior. Your observations w/ those of teachers & other caregivers may lead you to seek help for your child. If you suspect a problem or have questions, consult your pediatrician or contact a mental health professional.

Warning Signs

The following signs may indicate the need for professional assistance or evaluation:

• Decline in school performance
• Poor grades despite strong efforts
• Regular worry or anxiety
• Repeated refusal to go to school or take part in normal children’s activities
• Hyperactivity or fidgeting
• Persistent nightmares
• Persistent disobedience or aggression
• Frequent temper tantrums
• Depression, sadness or irritability

Where to seek help

Information & referrals regarding the types of services that are available for children may be obtained from:

• Mental health organizations, hotlines & libraries
• Other professionals such as the child’s pediatrician or school counselor
• Other families in the community
• Family network organizations
• Community-based psychiatric care
• Crisis outreach teams
• Education or special education services
• Family resource centers & support groups
• Health services
• Protection & advocacy groups & organizations
• Self-help & support groups

The Fear of Feeling

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.innerbonding.com

We desire to find the path to inner peace, joy & freedom. We strive to feel lovable, worthy & secure. We know that if we do our inner work & open to our spiritual connection, we'll feel all of that.

Yet we don't. We put off dialoguing for days or weeks. We stay stuck in our misery or numbness. Why? What are we so afraid of if we open to learning about loving?

We often resist doing our inner work. This article discusses the feelings we're afraid to feel, because we're not sure we can manage them, so we turn to our addictions instead of turning to our spiritual guidance. 

I've searched for many years for the answer to this question. Over & over I'd find myself out of grace & joy & into anxiety & stress. Each time it was because I failed to take care of myself in some way.

The problem is that all feelings are in the same box. Pain is in the same box as joy. We can't be putting a lid on pain w/out putting a lid on joy as well.

What is the pain we're striving so hard to avoid feeling? Most people feel a lot of pain. We feel anxious, frightened, depressed, hurt.

Since we're often in pain, it doesn't seem to make sense that we are, at the same time as we're feeling all this pain, also avoiding pain. Yet that's exactly what we're doing.

As unhappy as we may be feeling, we're avoiding pain that we believe is even greater than the pain we're feeling.

I've discovered that there are 3 feelings which most people want to avoid at all cost: aloneness, loneliness & helplessness over others.

Aloneness is what we feel inside when we're disconnected from God. Loneliness is what we feel when we can't connect with another, either because our heart is closed, their heart is closed or both of our hearts are closed.

Helplessness is what we would feel if, when we want to connect with another & his or her heart is closed, we accept that there is nothing we can do to make them open their heart.

When we were babies & small children, we couldn't allow ourselves to feel these feelings. We couldn't have handled them & may have died of despair. So we learned many protections to avoid feeling these feelings.

Be Afraid of Meaninglessness

Remember the old TV program where you had 10 minutes in a supermarket to grab whatever you could? The woman was running up & down the aisles, looking for what's most valuable. She didn't want to end up w/a cartload of soap suds.

That show is a "metaphor for life." There are eternal consequences. Each moment can be lived to the fullest or wasted into nothingness. Life is serious business.

The ultimate human fear is to live w/out meaning. We all want to have an impact, to help others, to change the world. Try saying the words: "I'm happy being mediocre." You can't say it!

Remember the time you asked yourself, "What does it all add up to?" We have this moment of clarity & then what do we do? We run for the ostrich hole, start playing tennis, put on the music, call up a friend.

Don't run for the ostrich hole. Be afraid of being mediocre. Be afraid of not having self-respect. Be afraid of waking up one morning & saying to yourself: "What did I do w/my life?"

Use this fear to inspire you to figure out what counts most in life. Then go get it.

Fear of Mortality

Each of us knows we will die one day. But we fool ourselves into thinking that those who die belong to a separate sector of humanity. "They're the mortal ones. We're immortal." Underneath it all, we have this illusion.

Did you ever have a friend who died? Maybe he was 17 & got killed in a motorcycle accident. How did you react? "But I just talked to him yesterday! He can't really be dead. He was so full of life!"

What does that mean -- "It can't be"? What we're really saying is that it's too close for comfort. I'm not in the mortal group. And now my friend is dead. That's too close. It can't be.

Realize that each of us can be dead in one minute. You don't need an airplane crashing thru the ceiling. You don't need a heart condition. All it takes is one blood clot & ... bang! These are the facts of life. But we don't feel like looking at it. "I'm immortal. Other people get mugged, other people die. Not me!"

When someone we know dies unexpectedly, we feel our own sense of vulnerability. It makes us think, "Am I using my time efficiently?"

Take a close look at your life history. Trace the years back & see how well you've used your time. Often our past is a blur & as you get older, this becomes even more pronounced.

We all have a clock ticking & don't know how long it's going to run. How many years do you figure you have left? Don't think it's open-ended. Someday you'll have only one year left. And someday you'll have only one day left. So plan for it now.

As the Sages say:

"Put your life on track one day before you die."

Some Jews have the custom of visiting their future burial plots once a year, usually before Rosh Hashana. Why? It's not morbidity. It makes the point clear: "I'm mortal & this is where I'll end up. So what do I want written on my tombstone?"

Live every day as if it's your last -- because one day it will be. Tick, tick, tick...

Wipe Out Pettiness

Use this realization to correct the way you're living now. Wipe out pettiness, irritations, illusions, trivialities.

How do you wipe out pettiness? Imagine you're fighting w/your parents or siblings & then find out you have only one day to live. What will you say?

Or if they were dying, what would you say? Too often we don't appreciate what we have until we lose it. When they're dead, we say,

"I should have treated them better. I should have called more often."

If you live w/this reality, you'll not fight w/your parents anymore. You will not hold a grudge against your brother. If you had a terminal illness, you'll even treat a stranger differently. You won't waste your time arguing w/someone who cut in line. Life is too precious to be petty.

Be motivated by the fear of losing what is precious. Imagine losing your eyesight. Walk around w/a blindfold for an hour.

If you envision dying tomorrow, what will you do with today? Will you waste it on frivolous things -- or try to achieve something more lasting, more meaningful, more eternal?

Do you see how that fear pushes you a bit?

Fear of God

One of the primary obligations in Judaism is to fear God. We fulfill this Mitzvah by paying attention to reality & seeing the consequences of our actions.

Imagine hidden cameras monitoring your progress thru life. The whole world is watching. People cheer when you succeed & boo when you fail.

With all those people staring, won't you be careful w/every move? Won't your motivation to succeed increase tremendously?

Walk w/a constant awareness of God. Everything is recorded on videotape. Are we maximizing life's opportunity, or are we wasting it? One day we'll have to answer for our actions.

That fear can motivate you to greatness.

Unfortunately, human nature is to become distracted. Each of us has a self-doubting inclination, called the Yetzer Hara. It's like a vicious dog, always threatening you: "You're overextending yourself. You'll have a nervous breakdown & fall apart." We hesitate to act because we're frightened by his threats.

Fear of God gives you full freedom. Nothing will stand in your way. The dog is insignificant compared to fear of God. You just push right ahead. You're free from all other fears.

Fear of God is the key to everything we want to accomplish in this world. So what's holding us back?

Consider the following 4 myths:

Myth #2 - Fear is Paralyzing

People think that fear is paralyzing & reduces your potential.

Actually, the opposite is true. Fear can generate super-human feats. We've all heard stories about a mother who picked up a car to save her child trapped underneath. Facing fear is empowering. It gives you strength you never knew you had.

Fear is only damaging when you run away & don't confront it.

Imagine watching bullies beat someone up & you just stand by watching. You'll wince every time you think about it. If you don't face the fear & stand up for what's right, you'll suffer that experience for the rest of your life.

But if you face the bullies & they back down (or even if you fight & get a little bloody), you'll enjoy that moment for the rest of your life. You were afraid, but you stood up. You did the right thing. That's true pleasure.

Better to try & fail, than to have feared to try.

"Shock" debilitates, "fear" motivates. Imagine a cowboy riding a bucking bronco. The fear of being tossed makes him alert to every move, so his response can be accurate & quick.

You have to look at life the same way.

Avoiding the Challenge

Too often, we miss an opportunity to excel because we say: "I can't. It's too much effort." i.e., imagine you're asked to memorize one page of the phone book in 24 hours. "Impossible!" you say.

But what if you're held hostage & they say: "If you don't memorize one page of the phone book by tomorrow night, you're dead." No question you'll do it!

Here's a practical example. Do you want to get out of bed in the morning w/a bang? Sure, but it's too much effort. How about if I come w/a gun every morning? You'll get up with a bang, no problem!

Now how much would you pay to wake up like that every day for the rest of your life? $5,000? $10,000? You really want to get up that way! So come on! Let's go!

Take advantage of the power of fear as a tool to tackle all your "I can'ts." Make a list of these "I can'ts" & put a price tag on them. What is the reward & what is the consequence? Having this clarity will turn you into a very effective human being.

Myth #3 - Fear Means Loss of Freedom

People avoid fear in order to preserve independence. We think if there's an outside force telling us what to do, we'll be intimidated into becoming a robot. We'd rather choose to do the right thing on our own.

Fear of the Almighty is different. When you fear violating God's word, that frees your potential. Why? Because God doesn't want to control you, He only wants what's good for you. So fear of God becomes freedom from nonsense, from silly fears, from pettiness. If you fear God, you're free from all other fears in the world.

Fear is only enslaving when someone else is purposefully trying to be fearsome & controlling. But fear of reality -- the possibility of missed opportunities -- is a motivation to get us where we want to be. We all say: "I want to be good, but I don't want to make the effort." Fear motivates you to get the job done.

At work, you know that if you don't show up, you'll get fired. So you get out of bed early. Fear of failing a test makes you study harder. In the end, this fear helps you succeed & have more self-respect.

We all want greatness. We want to be tough, disciplined, organized. Fear leaves you unencumbered. For the right amount of money or for survival, you'll do whatever it takes to succeed.

Myth #4 - Fear Is Demeaning

People think that if a certain act is right, you should do it because it's right, not out of fear of consequences. It seems demeaning to respond based on fear.

Ideally, we should all do the right thing simply because it's right &d avoid what's wrong, irrespective of the consequences. Indeed, the Sages say: "Someone who serves God because he seeks reward, or to avoid punishment, is a bad servant." He's only serving himself. If the devil could pay more, he'd be loyal to the devil. (In reality, there's only God. But if there was an option, this person might choose to serve the devil.)

So why is there a special Mitzvah to acquire fear? Shouldn't we get full motivation from love of God?

Yes, someone who serves God out of love is on a much higher level. And we should strive to do the right thing because it's right, not because it'll "get you to heaven."

But we have to be realistic as well. Love is often insufficient motivation to do good. As long as you will march faster & do the right thing by getting paid $100,000, it's better to take the money & do the right thing!

Suppose there was a program to help bring homeless people into the community shelter. Ideally, you would do this for free. But if you were offered $100 for every homeless person you brought to the shelter, you'd bring in more. Did the reward "corrupt" you? No. It just gave you a stronger motivation for doing what you already knew was right.

And there's an added consideration as well. Hopefully, acting out of fear will eventually lead you to do the right thing out of love.

The Pain Reflex

Everyone is born w/the ability to sense pain. If we're stuck w/a pin or burned by fire, our hand jumps back instinctively. But some people are born w/out a pain response. They feel nothing if their hand is put into fire.

Sure, it's nice not to feel pain. But someone who feels no pain is in constant danger. He's black & blue all the time. He puts his hand in the fire & says, "You smell something burning? Hey! It's my hand!" But he's in trouble, the hand is gone already.

Pain is essential to our survival. And that's the purpose of fear of God, of keeping ultimate consequences clearly in mind. It's not the goal in life, but a means to an end. It helps us think twice before we insult someone or yell at our parents.

Imagine you're speaking to someone & he starts spewing filthy gossip. You know it's wrong to listen, so you ponder, "Maybe I'll just politely stand here for a few minutes..."

But if someone is ready to smack you on the head w/a baseball bat for gossiping, you'll immediately say, "I'm getting outta here!" You don't make calculations. You just do the right thing.

Fear of punishment is like a pain reflex. It keeps us from doing things that will cause us harm later on. It gets you where you want to be.

Putting It All Together

The single most important goal in life is to have clarity, to live in reality. And of course, reality exists objectively -- outside of our own subjective perception of it.

Reality itself is very thrilling. It wakes us up & puts things into perspective. Imagine someone addicted to nicotine. How do you motivate him to stop? Show him an x-ray of tarred lungs. That fear gives him the freedom to break out of the rut & do what he knows he needs to.

Just as you're motivated out of personal fear, do the same for your family, your community & for all humanity.

You see a divorce. You see parents nagging their children. You see people in depression, people being carried off to looney-bins, people hurting each other. We see this all the time.

So what do we do? We use the ostrich syndrome. We see but we don't see. We say: "Not me, I'll never nag my children. Not me, I'll never be depressed. Not me, I'll never get divorced."

Do you really think you're going to be different? Be real! You are one of them!

Whenever you see tragedy, learn how to avoid it. If you see someone getting mugged, you know not to go down that street again. Whatever it is, draw a lesson. When you see a divorce, fear the possibility that this will happen to you. That's called "being real."

Apply the same thing to the Jewish people. In 1967, there was a worldwide recognition that the Jewish state was in high jeopardy of being wiped out. People came to Israel or offered help in other ways -- to donate money, time, influence, activism. The fear, the threat, brought them to a sudden realization of how deeply they care about the Jewish people.

How would you feel if, God forbid, the State of Israel was wiped out?

Be real w/the consequences of life. You don't need a roller coaster. All you have to do is to take a subway at midnight. Or remember that Saddam has the atom bomb. Look around & read the headlines. It's a threatening world. Carry that fear w/you & use it as a positive motivator for greatness.

Why is "Fear" An Ingredient in Wisdom?

• Fear helps you do what's right, not what society thinks is right.

• Fear gets you in touch w/your own mortality; death is the most potent fear.

• Fear is an exercise in free will.

• Be afraid of a meaningless old age. If you live as though there will always be a tomorrow, then you'll never make much of today.

• Fear isn't restricting. Fear is power & freedom.

• With fear, you can feel the thrill of life 100% of the time.

Overcome the Fear of Money
by Andrew Wood, The Millionaires Library

It pays to be a Confident Salesperson & you're worth every penny! Over 100,000 Americans become new millionaires every year! The great majority of these fortunes (over 85%) are made by someone selling a product or service.

In fact, America owes its growth to the efforts of these salesmen & saleswomen. This country is one of the few places in the world where a good salesperson is admired & respected, at least by his or her company, if not by the public at large. 

The Confident Salesperson knows his company needs a constant flow of new customers to ensure its success. Otherwise, the business is doomed to failure or to be among the majority of businesses, those that do little better than breaking even & covering their expenses. 

In the presence of a prospective customer, the Confident Salesperson takes on the aura of a professional. As is the case w/any true professional, he understands that he deserves to be paid well for the benefits he provides to others. 

The bottom line is this; to succeed in a service, retail business, or in life, you must be able to sell your service, product & yourself effectively. If you do these things consistently well, you'll be richly rewarded for your talent & your efforts. 

It doesn't matter if they reach their goal as early as May, they just can't seem to do any better than they did the year before. They go on mental cruise control. 

They repeat this pattern year after year & thus never climb out of their comfortable rut. They make mediocrity their personal standard. Why do most salespeople fail to live up to their full potential both in business & in life?

It's because they've failed to accept the fact that they must take full personal responsibility for themselves if they wish to improve. 

Conquering the 3 Great Fears. 

Before the Confident Salesperson can set off in pursuit of her quest for excellence, she must overcome the 3 great fears that hold back mere ordinary salespeople. They're Fear of Money, Fear of Failure & Fear of Responsibility.

Until she has mastered them, she's destined to remain forever in the ranks of mediocrity. Once she's conquered them, she's free to live her life as she chooses. 

Let's look at the 3 great fears & put them behind us forever! This week, we'll discuss the Fear of Money. Over the next couple of weeks, we'll discuss the Fear of Failure & the Fear of Responsibility.

Fear Of Money. 

Believe it or not, many salespeople are afraid to ask for money. I was giving a seminar in South Carolina last year when I realized that the salespeople I was dealing w/were victims of this dreaded affliction.

I devised a simple little exercise where they paired off & each of them said to the other, "That'll be just $3,000 please." I had trouble deciding if the results were tragic or hilarious!

The first few times we did it, 3 of the salesmen actually couldn't get the words out of their mouths. We practiced for half an hour, going up & down in various increments until they could say,

"$10,000" just a easily as "ten bucks." 

By employing this exercise & then explaining the reasons for their problem, we were able to conquer this long held fear. 

Why are some salespeople afraid to ask for money? It may be because they themselves never had enough money to buy the product they're selling.

When this is true, the fact that they're selling a product they themselves couldn't afford leads them to believe at least subconsciously that other people can't afford it either. 

When class ended a few minutes later, Frank & I sat down in his office & I pointed out that his poor students' parents could afford a Mercedes & a Rolex. He assured me these 2 people were exceptions to the general rule & that most of his students were indeed from lower income families. 

I decided to let it go for a while & began to ask him some questions. First, I asked if he really believed karate lessons could help someone improve their life. He responded passionately that they could.

Next, I asked why 1 or 2 of the 50 or so students who paid him $50 a month for private lessons couldn't afford to pay $2,500 & never have to pay for a lesson again. He replied that it was just too expensive.

I then asked if he thought it was too expensive. 

He thought briefly & then said that he couldn't have afforded that much money when he was paying for karate lessons. 

I had unearthed problem #1; he was assuming by projection that his students shared his financial problems. Because he couldn't come up w/$2500 in cash, he automatically ascribed the same difficulty to them. 

This, of course, was a false assumption! 

Then I asked how much he thought his time was worth. He replied that he charged $25 per 1/2 hour for a private lesson & that he believed he was worth every penny.

They won't be offended by being asked for money. They expect it! 

According to the National Golf Foundation, 86% of the golfers in this country would spend more money on green fees, play more often, drink more beer in the clubhouse & buy more clothes if ONLY they played better!

The same report also points out that, of the people surveyed, only 13% actually took a lesson from a golf professional in the preceding year! 

If that's not a market waiting to happen I don't know what is, but you have to ask for the sale in order to get it! 

Overcoming Fear of Money. 

It's OK to make money selling! The more people you help by providing your product or service, the more money you deserve to make.

You don't become a better golfer by thinking about taking a lesson. You have to actually take one! Whether or not you can afford to buy your product doesn't mean that others can't & won't.

Whether or not you think it's expensive doesn't matter at all. Put your personal thoughts & prejudices behind you. Let your customers decide whether or not they'll spend their money, but make sure you give them the opportunity.